


MALM

by 0KKULTiC



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble Sequence, Fluff and Angst, IKEA Furniture, M/M, Oneshot, Short Vignettes, short scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0KKULTiC/pseuds/0KKULTiC
Summary: MALMA clean design with solid wood veneer. Place the bed on its own or with the headboard against a wall. If you need space for extra bedding, add MALM bed storage boxes on casters.(Drabble Sequence)





	MALM

**Author's Note:**

> // This work is unedited and will contain increased grammatical and spelling errors
> 
> WARNING(s): This work contains offensive slur(s)

“Hey, Daniel?” Seongwoo asks, buried under illustrated instructions. He sits on Daniel’s floor, surrounded by an array of paperwork full of charts.

 

“Yeah, Ong?” Daniel replies.

 

“Why the fuck did we think this was a good idea?”

 

Daniel snorts, “Shut up. This is gonna be amazing.”

 

“Is it, though? Is it really, because I… I’m not gonna lie. I’m a college student, but this-” Ong lifts up one of the pages of an expansive instruction manual. “-this is some weird occult shit right here.”

 

“Hmm, you might be onto something,” Niel jokes, “Illuminati starts with I… IKEA starts with I…”

 

“We’re being manipulated by the system man!”

 

“Well, if it’s all the same of you, can you maybe manipulate that allen wrench over here?”

 

Daniel had moved into his first “big kid” apartment (aka: not a dorm) just days prior. Ecstatic to have his own place, he’d pooled all of his saved money, putting it toward his first real set of furniture. Of course, balling on a budget had limited his options. Luckily, IKEA exists. He’d ecstatically picked out an assortment of pieces with funny names, and, with the help of his best friend Ong Seongwoo, he’d been putting them together.

 

Only one more project stands between Daniel and a finished apartment now:

 

Malm.

 

Or, as Ong likes to call it, “Mlem”. Niel had chosen the basic bed in a classic black colorway, making for an easy neutral to match all of his shit that wouldn’t show too much dirt. It’s foolproof, and, more importantly, Danielproof.

 

“Okay, what next?” Niel asks.

 

“Uh, okay, looks like we need this big boy here,” Ong gestures to a massive panel - the headboard.

 

“Alright, can you slide that over here?” Daniel asks the other, eyes fixed on shoving some tiny pegs into some tinier holes.

 

“Got it,” Ong says. Daniel hears the sound of wood sliding against carpet for about twelve seconds before he hears something much, much worse.

 

“ _ Clunk! Srraaacckkk! _ ”

 

“Ong,” The younger boy doesn’t bother looking up, “What the fuck did you just do to my headboard?”

 

“Uh.”

 

“Ong?”

 

“Uhhhh”

 

“Ong?!”

 

“No...Thing?”

 

“ _ Ong _ !” Daniel can’t keep the grin off of his face. Sure, Ong had probably just wrecked a part of the furniture he’d spent long shifts at work paying for, but, it’s Ong. He can’t really stay mad at the guy. He looks up to assess the damage.

 

Seongwoo’s voice wavers with badly suppressed laughter,“It’s fine, it’s fine! See, I just, dropped it on a screwdriver and-”

 

“You scratched it?” Daniel’s eyes widen, “You scratched it?! Now there’s like… A pristine black headboard and one very conspicuous spot of brown. Nice, love it.”

 

“No- No- wait, I can fix this!” Seongwoo leans the headboard against a nearby wall and grabs the screwdriver. Confusedly, Niel watches on, wondering what his idiot friend thinks a screwdriver can do to help

 

“ _ Scrraaackkk. Scrrraaacckk. _ ”

 

Daniel’s face blows up into a look of utter shock and awe, “You- You- You-”

 

“See, that’s better!” Seongwoo declares with a very triumphant smile. He gestures to his handiwork on the headboard. Three little dots of exposed brown wood form a triangle off to the side of his headboard. “There’s three! Just like me!”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Daniel has to put down his tools because his laughter becomes too much. Seongwoo, done with this theatrics, joins Daniel on the floor.

 

Their laughter is deafening.

 

From then on, Daniel would always think of Seongwoo when he sees his headboard.

 

* * *

 

“You’re gonna fall asleep,” Daniel says with a laugh. He shoves another jelly into his mouth. Seongwoo had been nodding off for the past two episodes of One Punch Man, and he hasn’t been showing any signs of a second wind.

 

“No I’m not,” Ong replies. He yawns. The two lay side by side on top of the gray samoyed sheets that Ong told Daniel not to splurge on. They always start off halfway across the bed, but over the course of animated conversations and pranks and skinships, that distance shrinks. It always does. Daniel can’t help noticing the way their knuckles brush against each other.

 

The night had been one of their typical ones: studying, anime, studying, anime, food, and just a tiny bit of booze. Just enough to take the edge off. Seongwoo’s about to graduate and his roommates get on his nerves, so he winds up at Daniel’s often. Of course, Daniel doesn’t mind for a second. 

 

A sudden weight on the student’s shoulder tips him off that Ong had been, in fact, full of shit. His head falls onto Daniel’s shoulder and soft snores start leaving his mouth. The younger of the two contemplates calling him on his crap or playing a prank, but he’s in a bit of a bind.

 

Ultimately he can’t bring himself to rouse the other from a peaceful sleep. He knows Ong overworks himself and feels guilty just thinking about waking him up. He tries to focus on the action flashing across the TV screen, but he’s distracted. 

  
Seongwoo’s mouth hangs open and his shoulders rise and fall steadily when he sleeps. The blueish light flickering from the television illuminates his face in flashes; just enough for Daniel to make out his birthmark and the distinguished contours of his jaw. He thinks that Ong kind of looks like a different person when he sleeps. It’s weird. His hair kind of ruffles up and there’s nothing he can do to hid the dark circles under his eyes. There’s no quip or sarcasm or joke; the older student’s don’t curve up with some self satisfied smirk. There’s no CC or BB or whatever kind of cream covering his flaws. He’s just… Him.

 

Daniel likes him all the same. He bites his lip nervously and shuffles ever so slightly closer to his best friend. He rests his chin on the other’s head.

 

He likes him a lot.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Bang _ !”

 

“Shhh-shh- shhh!” Ong snorts as he (leaning heavily on Daniel) stumbles through the threshold of the apartment. Daniel closes the door to his apartment much more quietly, trying to suppress laughter himself.

 

“Don’t wake the neighbors up,” Daniel loud-whispers over to Ong who’d already taken the liberty of shedding half his clothes and plopping down onto Daniel’s bed.

 

The two had been bar hopping in celebration of Ong’s graduation. Daniel still has a year, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to celebrate with the person he holds dearest. Since Niel’s place happens to be the closest to the bar, that’s where the two end up at approximately three in the morning.

 

“You don’t wake the neighbors up!” Ong snickers as he attempts to kick his pants off. The black jeans end up in a tangled mess around his ankles and he looks down at them feebly in exaggerated defeat. Daniel scarcely makes it to the edge of the bed before collapsing on its edge with laughter.

 

“You’re gonna have to sleep like that now,” Daniel tells his friend while trying his best to strip down. The pair are possibly the two least graceful creatures on earth in that moment. 

 

“I don’t wanna!” Seongwoo throws his body back, kicking his legs up frantically. 

 

“Shhh!” Niel finally accepts defeat. He clumsily yanks on the edge of a pant leg and together, dumb and dumber manage to pants the newly minted graduate. “You’re welcome,” The younger slurs out.

 

“No  _ you’re _ welcome,” The graduate laughs.

 

Daniel scoots closer, laying down next to the other. The room spins and he feels the warm buzz of alcohol coursing through his veins. It’s nice. He laughs.

 

“What am I welcome to?” The younger asks, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“All of  _ this _ ,” Ong gestures dramatically to his body - he even sticks a leg up to punctuate just how incredibly privileged the other is. Daniel’s eyes travel down the lines of Seongwoo’s slender body and back up again. Hey may or may not have licked his lips. He’s too drunk to tell (or own up to it). 

 

“Lucky me,” He replies.

 

“Damn fuckin’ right,” The older one smirks, wiggling his eyebrows until he curls up with laughter once more. The laugh is contagious and once Ong starts, Niel is always close to follow. The cacophony of it all echoes off his ceiling, and all considerations for neighbors and the time of night are forgotten.

 

Eventually, the two run out of air. Their mouths are sore from smiling and their abs hurt. Their gazes find one another. 

 

Things go quiet.

 

Daniel wants to do something, but instead he blurts out words:

 

“I’m gonna miss this.” 

 

He regrets it immediately. They’d been having a good night up to that point. All the baggage that comes with the whole “graduation” thing had been left at the door. The younger student knows better than to bum his best friend out with talk about jobs and adulthood and stuff. He feels fairly confident that Ong will figure it out. He always does.

 

“What?” Seongwoo responds with a laugh, but it doesn’t really sound like the humored kind. “Getting fucked up?”

 

“You, idiot,” Daniel says, giving the other a light smack on the arm. He lets his fingers linger just a touch too long. They slide down the other’s forearm in a motion that could almost kind of maybe be called a caress.

 

“Come on, Niel,” Seongwoo sighs. He reaches out and ruffles the younger one’s hair roughly, “Don’t talk like that. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Right,” The younger doesn’t sound convinced.

 

“Seriously,” Ong sheds his lighthearted tone and, despite his bleary drunken state, he sounds stern. “I’m not going anywhere. Even if I end up in fucking Incheon or Busan or fucking New York City. I’m always gonna be here. For you. Okay?”

 

“That’s easy to say now…”

 

“I don’t say this shit to just anyone. I mean it,” He klutzily reaches behind him, feeling around the headboard until his fingertips find the carving he’d made. “Just look at this right here. Look at this shit. That’s me. Always here with you. Bitch.”

 

Daniel cracks a smile, “Oh my god.”

 

“There it is, there’s the Kang Daniel smile,” Ong takes his hand off of the headboard and tickles Daniel’s face, making the younger laugh. His face wrinkles and his eyes reduce to crescents. Everything spins and he feels ready to pass out.

 

Seongwoo mumbles,“There’s that smile we love so much.”

 

* * *

 

“Chicken me,” Daniel says. He opens his mouth wide and Ong deposits a chunk of fried chicken between his lips per their typical arrangement. They have always had a system: Daniel’s place. Bed. Food. Drinks. Gaming. It’s something simple and foolproof that they’d enjoyed for years. Niel feels grateful that despite their newly formed gap in life, the two can still enjoy the same stuff.

 

It’d been a few months since Ong had graduated, and he’d managed to land a decent job. Seongwoo seems to neither strongly hate nor love it, which Daniel takes as an alright sign. The salary is enough for Ong to get a big kid apartment and a big kid car which is pretty cool. Daniel had even helped Ong move into that apartment, but for some reason, Ong always liked the student’s place better.

 

The two see each other less, generally, but they still carve out plenty of time over the weekends to hang out. Ong had even introduced Niel to some work friends: Minhyun and Jaehwan, which is pretty dope. Even though they keep good contact, Niel still can’t help feeling a small lump in his throat when he thinks about it. One of Ong’s work friends has, like, kids. Another is engaged. 

 

They’re still young, or so Daniel wants to think. But are they?

 

He’s always nervous that Seongwoo will just grow up and leave him in the dust. 

 

“Damn dude you really fuckin’ suck today,” Ong comments as he watches Daniel eat shit by the hands of a large enemy in the game they’re playing.

 

“Wellp-” Daniel hands the controller off to Ong, “Your turn.” Like always, they switch off when they die. Still the same.

 

“Let daddy show you how it’s done.”

 

“Please never string those words together again.”

 

“Oh my god, the other day this dude at my work- His wife and kid came to visit him and she was like ‘DADDY’ and I just- I can’t believe that such an innocent thing has been tainted for me.”

 

There it is. The awkwardness. That slight disconnect, the little disjointment between them. Daniel feels it choke him like a knot in his throat. It’s so little, and, really, he knows better than to feel weird about their different stages of life. It’s not like he had never held down a job before, but… It’s different. It feels different. Whenever Ong tells him stories about the office or work or something adultey like that, Daniel has to take a second.

 

“Damn,” Niel finally chokes out. “That’s sweet of them, though- the guy’s family, I mean.”

 

“Yeah…” Seongwoo trails off as he entered combat with a few enemies in the game. His eyes are glued to the screen, but he still talks, “He’s pretty cool. Been at the company for awhile. Most the guys are like him there. Minhyun and I are definitely the youngest ones in that department.”

 

“Oh? Is it all dudes, or, um-” The student isn’t sure exactly what he’s trying to say. The words just kind of unceremoniously drop out of his mouth like one drops a pile of books when they stumble. “Any cute girls?” He immediately regrets it.

 

Seongwoo takes pause for a second, and that second is long enough for one of the massive armored knights in the game to destroy him. Red letters on a black and white screen read clearly: “You Died”. The older one glances sideways, passing the controller back to his friend.

 

“N-not really,” Ong says. “U-um maybe one. Upstairs in accounting. She’s pretty cute. I see her in the cafeteria during lunch time. I guess.”

 

“Oh,” Daniel knows he should say something better, maybe more complimentary. He doesn’t. He regrets bringing it up in the first place.

 

* * *

 

“I’m here,” Ong says, taking a seat on the bed. He pats beside himself.

 

Daniel bites his lip nervously. Anxiety toils in his chest, and he can’t, no he won’t bring himself to say it. He’s not sure why the hell Ong even showed up, so he starts with that.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

“Dude, you were freaking out earlier when you texted me.”

 

“Yeah well- that was earlier. This is now. I’m better now,” Daniel doesn’t sound better.

 

Seongwoo rolls his eyes. He can see through his best friend’s act more clearly than one sees through their own glasses.

 

“What the hell, man?”

  
The truth is, Daniel had had a nervous break of sorts. Pressure from finals and years of suppressed feelings had done a number on him. Even though Seongwoo always shows up whenever he’s invited places, Daniel still can’t help but feel like his best friend is slipping through his fingers. He’d spent so many nights tossing and turning, losing sleep over it. He couldn’t take it anymore. It had agonized him to the point of calling Ong, asking him to come over with wavering breaths and a shaky voice.

 

Seongwoo had gotten worried. Of course he did. Daniel feels like an idiot for expecting anything else.

 

“Something is up,” Seongwoo tells the other, “Just tell me already? You’ve been acting strange for, like… Well for like awhile.”

 

“Have not.”

 

“Hey, idiot. It’s me, your best friend,” Ong points to himself, “I’m gonna know better than anyone else when you’re being a fuckin’ weirdo. What’s the matter, man?”

 

“Everything’s the matter. I dunno.”

 

“You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

 

“Look- dude- I didn’t think you’d just show up at my front fucking door! You can’t just waltz in like that.”

 

“I…” Seongwoo’s lips turned down into a frown, “I do that all the time, Daniel. At least, I used to.”

 

There it is.

 

Tension hangs in the air between the two as Daniel fidgets with the hem of his shirt. Seongwoo stares him down, but the younger guy averts his gaze. Exasperated, the older stands up in a huff.

 

“You know what. That’s fine. You’re right, it was my bad. I shouldn’t have just shown up. Next time I- I won’t worry as much,” Ong sounds hurt, which really stings Niel’s heart. He wonders if that’s what a scorpion’s sting feels like, or a black widow’s bite, because God does he feel like dying.

 

Seongwoo barely makes it to the door before Daniel grabs his arm.

 

“Seongwoo, wait!” His voice is wrought with desperation. He swears internally. A lot.

 

“Oh? You wanna talk now? Wanna talk about why you’ve been acting like a- like a freak for the past few months? Shit- I don’t know how long it’s been since we’ve been normal.”

 

“We were never normal,” Niel tries to make a quip.

 

Seongwoo doesn’t buy it, “Normal for us. You know, when our Netflix nights weren’t filled with awkward silences. When we’d talk til four AM about nothing… That normal.” Despite his resolute body language, Daniel can tell his best friend is sad about what he said. 

 

It was true, all of it. Ever since Ong had graduated, things had been getting more and more strained. Seongwoo would go out drinking with his work buddies during the week instead of spending nights in the library with Niel. They used to talk about everything, but the subtle disconnects between them had grown more and more apparent. It had made Daniel lose lots of sleep.

 

He’d realized long ago that he loved Seongwoo. Not just in the “bros for life” kind of way. In the knee buckling, heart fluttering, “I want your last name and a picket fence” kind of way. Ong had always been an absolute in his life, and when he stopped being that, Niel came to terms with his feelings.

 

“I’m sorry,” Is all Daniel can think to say at first. 

 

Seongwoo sighs, prodding the other again, “Well? You gonna tell me what the fuck is up? Or should I just leave?”

 

Daniel fights with it. Visibly, he tenses up and struggles to find the words. He looks at Seongwoo then looks away. Looks back at him, then away again. He can’t face him. He can’t. So instead, he takes a seat on his bed. Clasping his hands together tightly, Daniel looks down and makes his admission:

 

“Seongwoo I like you.”

 

“I sure fuckin’ hope so. I like you, too. We’re best frie-”

 

“I like you as more than a friend,” Daniel lifts his eyes shyly, terrified to see the expression on his friend’s face. On one hand: he fears Seongwoo’s reaction; on the other hand: he can’t help looking.

 

Seongwoo’s face falls into a rather blank expression. For one of the few times in their coexistence, Daniel can’t tell what the other is thinking. He watches the other’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows - it seems like a bad sign. 

 

“Is this a prank?” Seongwoo asks. He sounds… irritated? Of all things, that was one Daniel had not expected. His body fills with dread.

 

“What? No, Seongwoo. This is not a prank, I would never- are you serious?” Tears start making Daniel’s vision blur. He hates it. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t cry.

 

“Yes I am serious. Is this-” Seongwoo closes his hands into fists. He seems strangely pressed about the admission. Daniel is thankful he’s not necessarily disgusted, but he can’t feel thankful for much else.

 

“I- I’m sorry. I know you don’t like guys like that and I just…” Daniel covered his face with his hands. He didn’t want Seongwoo to see him cry. Not there, not because of that. He’d anticipated a pretty bad outcome, but he realizes that he was not ready for it. “I ruined it. You said you wanted us to go back to normal and here I just… I just ruined it. I’m sorry, Seongwoo,” His broad shoulders shake with sobs. “I’m sorr-mf.”

 

He’s cut off.

 

Seongwoo had rapidly closed the gap between them and yanked Daniel’s hands off of his face. His lips smashed against Daniel’s, wet with salty tears. The younger one still cries, lets out the residual despair that had dammed up inside of him. When he’s finished, Ong is there, sitting on the bed beside him.

 

The two look at each other for a second, and that’s all Daniel needs. No words are necessary as the two collapse onto the bed and tangle with one another.

 

* * *

 

Ong traces and retraces the little constellation that he’d carved into Daniel’s bed. Niel finds it adorable. Some sci-fi movie drones on in the background while the two snuggle in his bed together.

 

“Why are you so fascinated with that? You always touch it,” Daniel asks with a smile. His fingers interlace with Ong’s free hand, stroking gently with his thumb.

 

“I dunno,” Seongwoo says with a shrug. He turns his attention away from the headboard and looks back at Daniel. “Guess it’s nice knowing you’ve got a little reminder of me right here. It’s kind of like I’m watching over you,” He presses a soft kiss on the other’s forehead.

 

Daniel’s heart flips - it amazes him that it still happens even months after they’ve been together. He chuckles, his eyes squinting into slits.

 

“You’re so fucking corny.”

 

“What? You don’t like it? The idea of me watching over you. Always. While you  _ sleep _ ,” Seongwoo inches his face closer to Daniel in an attempt to sound creepy. It just makes Niel want to kiss him.

 

And he does.

 

* * *

 

Soft smacking of lips fills the room, and the sun filters in through the closed blinds. One of the blankets had fallen off of the bed, and the thin sheet remaining tangles and twists between the two bodies atop it. Daniel glows, a sheen of sweat still coating his skin from what him and Seongwoo had just done to start off the morning. He relishes in the sensation of the other’s lips against his, the way their noses nuzzle, how easily his arms loop around the other’s waist.

 

They separate, and their gazes find each other. Daniel cracks a wide smile before he can stop himself. It’s surreal to him. So goddamn surreal. It seems like a one in a million chance to be where he is: happy and in love with such an immensely beautiful person. Even more surreal is the fact that his lover loves him back. It fills his heart to the brim so much that it feels like it’s gonna burst. Sometimes he fears that something bad is gonna happen to him because he has it so damn good.

 

“What?” Seongwoo asks. His serenity breaks down into a bashful chuckle.

 

“Nothing,” Daniel answers. He plants another kiss delicately on Seongwoo’s cheek. Because he can. “Just… Happy.”

 

“Okay, weirdo,” Ong jeers at him. The two laugh.

 

“ _ Buzz. Buzz. _ ”

 

The vibrating of someone’s phone (it turns out to be Daniel’s) interrupts their love spell. Niel groans and paws at his side table to see what the hell someone would need on a Saturday morning.

 

“ **Minhyun**

Has ong texted u? He didnt come home last night   
  
**Minhyun**   
Pls tell me yes i dont wanna scrape him off of some random chicks bed rn its too early” 

 

“It’s your keeper,” Daniel jokes.

 

“What’s he want?” Ong asks with a yawn.

 

“He wants to know if you crashed here last night?”

 

“Hm… Did I?” Seongwoo makes a show of thinking hard, stroking his chin pensively.

 

“What should I tell him?”

 

“Tell him… That I was at the library late and crashed here because I was studying late.”

 

“The library? Again? There’s no way he’s gonna buy that you’re that studious.”

 

“I can be hella studious!”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Fine, tell him I went drinking with some buddies at um… The place on fourth street and I crashed here cause it’s closer and I didn’t wanna drive.”

 

“That’s better,” Niel giggles as he pushed send. He starts laughing even more as Seongwoo’s lips make a trail of kisses up the base of his neck to his earlobe. “Babe- What are you- what are you doing? Your roommate’s gonna call the cops on me for abducting you at this rate.”

 

Seongwoo smiles at Daniel impishly, and one of his hands starts drifting down the younger man’s torso. He draws nonsense shapes on Daniel’s abdomen, and it makes goosebumps prick the other’s skin.

 

“I probably should go home,” Seongwoo tells him, “But first… I think we have time for round two before he puts out an amber alert.” Daniel laughs, and it’s quickly stifled by Seongwoo’s lips on his.

 

* * *

 

“I- I- I can’t believe you’re justifying this!” Daniel shouts, storming into his apartment. Seongwoo follows, slamming the door behind him.

 

“I shouldn’t have to justify my reasons. I’ll come out when I’m ready. You don’t get to decide that!” 

 

“Listen, I get that, I really do, but… I feel like some dirty fucking secret. Like you’re ashamed of me or something. You take me out of the closet for some sex then shove me back in the second we’re in front of anyone,” Daniel’s voice starts wavering, “You haven’t even told our best friends.”

 

“Daniel, I,” Seongwoo swallows hard, “I can’t, okay? I fucking can’t. I just- I’m- Stop trying to pressure me into this! I’m not like you, okay?”

 

“You’re right, I’m not like you. I’m proud to call myself your boyfriend. I- I would show you off to everyone if you’d- if you’d let me. Instead I get to stand by and watch you flirt with half the girls at every bar we go to.”

 

“It’s not real, Daniel. You know that,” Seongwoo sighed, wringing a hand through his hair, “Why do we have to parade around and shove our relationship in everyone’s face anyways, huh? Why does the world need to know about us.”

 

“I am not asking you to tell the world, Seongwoo. I’m asking you to at least let us tell our closest fucking friends. To let me tell my mom- to tell your mom. Why can’t we do that?”

 

“Don’t bring my mother into this,” Ong sounds bitter.

 

“Oh my God,” Daniel rolls his eyes, “You are impossible.”

 

“Daniel, how many times do I have to tell you this? It’s not a ‘never’ thing. We will tell everyone… One day, but I’m gonna decide when that happens. Until then-”

 

“Until then you get to drape yourself on top of every girl you see? While I watch? You get to pal around the water cooler with your work friends calling people like me faggots?”

 

“Whoa- hey, do not put those words in my mouth. I would never say that.”

 

“I’ve met them. I know how it is- shit, I’ve been in that. That’s what it’s really about, isn’t it? You’re not ready because you just- just want the world to buy this image of you as some- some alpha male. Some fucking bigdick, hetero Chad who fucks girls left and right and is- is-”

 

“I want people to look at me and see who I am, not who I love!” Seongwoo shouts so loudly it makes Daniel’s ears ring. It also makes his blood chill. Silence fills the room like a noxious gas and it becomes nearly suffocating.

 

“So it’s true,” Niel answers bitterly, when he can finally manage words.

 

“Daniel, no. I- I didn’t mean it like that-”

 

“Oh?” The younger man laughs, but it’s not from humor. “You mean you didn’t just say that you don’t want people to see me? That- that  _ you  _ are more important than- than us?” A tear trickles down his face. He didn’t even notice it until just then.

 

“You’re being stubborn. You know I did not mean it how it sou-”

 

“Get out,” Daniel demands bitterly.

 

Seongwoo’s tense face goes slack; he looks like the wind had gotten knocked out of his lungs, “Daniel…”

 

“I said get out!” Daniel goes so far as to shove Seongwoo toward the door.

 

Ong listens, and he leaves.

  
Daniel heavily falls on his bed. Crying eventually tires him into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

“You need to calm down. Speak slower, I can’t hear you,” Jisung’s voice sounds out from the speaker of Daniel’s phone. The recently graduated student can’t even be assed to put the receiver to his ear, so he lays on his bed while it’s on speaker.

 

“I said I- I- I dunno, Jisung. I dun- fuckin’- know,” Daniel’s chest hurts. He’s been heaving with sobs for at least two hours on and off. It had come in waves. He’d be okay, or trying his best to distract himself. Suddenly something, any tiny thing, would pop up as a reminder of…

 

Of him.

 

Then it’d start all over again. He choked up and tears would sting his eyes. The sobbing would start, and it’d be ceaseless. He’d try everything in his power to calm it down, and maybe he would. He’d stop the crying, but it never helped him feel any happier.

 

“I just- I don’t know what I did. I think- I think I pushed him too hard or- or something. And now he hates me,” He devolved into sobs again. “He won’t talk to me and I love him and- I just pushed him away. I pushed my boyfriend away, I know I did-” The heaving of his chest starts really hurting. Every time he thinks he can't possibly have any more tears to cry, more make their way down his face.

 

“Daniel…” Jisung sighs. Daniel can practically hear the way the man looks down at him with concern. “I- I really hate to ask this and- I’m like super sorry, but…”

 

Jisung hesitates, before asking delicately, “Who the hell are you talking about?”

 

Something in Daniel snaps, and he taps the red button on his screen to hang up the call. He stares at the ceiling, teardrops gushing out of his eyes.

 

His phone rings.

 

He ignores it.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Knock. Knock. _ ”

 

Daniel gets out of bed, stretching with a yawn. It’s pretty early for him to be up on a Saturday morning. Irritation twinges inside of him as he stumbles over to his apartment door. He wonders what the hell anyone needs at nine AM on the weekend. Instinctually, he glances at his phone, wondering if he was due for a delivery or something.

 

An unfamiliar sequence of number had texted him a few times, and dread forms in his stomach as he reads the texts. He’d nearly forgotten that was today.

 

Taking a deep breath, Niel opens the door.

 

“Hey,” Seongwoo says. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His eyes manage about two seconds of contact with Niel’s before they dart away again. Daniel’s fine with that. He gestures into his apartment.

 

“Hey,” He replies, “Come on. Your stuff is…” He nods toward a box that sits in front of the foot of his bed: odds and ends that Seongwoo had left.

 

“Thanks,” Ong says. It’s pretty clear to Niel that this is just as uncomfortable for the other as it is for him. He feels like walking on legos would be more pleasant. 

 

Seongwoo walks in and scoops up the box. He glances around the apartment for a few moments, and almost looks like he wants to say something.

 

He doesn’t. 

 

He walks back out the door.

 

Turning around, he says, “Thanks.” 

 

“No problem,” Daniel chokes out.

 

Seongwoo opens his mouth and, once again, he seems like he for sure has something to say.

 

He still doesn’t.

 

He gives an awkward, tight-lipped smile before heading down the hall toward the staircase. 

 

Daniel shuts the door behind him,

 

He didn’t know what he’d expected.

 

Well, that wasn’t true. He damn well knew what he’d expected, and that’s exactly what happened. 

 

That’s it, he thinks to himself, that’s every trace of Seongwoo gone.

 

He glances at his headboard, eyes honing in on the three scratched in dots at the corner.

 

Well, he thinks, almost every trace.

 

* * *

 

“ **Minhyun**

CONGRATS ON THE GIG!! WHEN’S THE PARTY?”

 

“ **Jisung**

I can’t believe it happened.

You’re a big kid now!!”

 

“ _ Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _ ”

 

Daniel groans, throwing his pillow over his head. His phone had been blowing up all night. He’d posted on one of is SNS about finally landing a new job at a cool company. Everyone who’d seen it had quickly rushed to give him congratulations. Every. Single. One.

 

He squeezes the pillow closer to his face, letting out a low scream. The thought of smothering himself crosses his mind. Thinking about his mom, he decides not to. She’d be sad, and that’s not cool. Plus, who can explain the reality of human mortality to his cats? 

 

“ **Jaehwan**

Damn dude. You’re gonna be like all rich now, right?

  
**Jaehwan**

Treat me to dinner mr. moneybags 8)”

 

“ **Woojin**

Congrats on the job dude. Movin on up!!”

 

“Ugh,” Daniel covers his face with his hands. He really wants to spike his phone across his room, but he suppresses the urge. He knows he should be happy his friends are so supportive. He should be. But he’s not. He’s not really happy about anything. 

 

He hasn’t been happy about anything in awhile.

 

Niel leans over to his bedside lamp, turning it off with a “click” sound. He puts his phone on “Do Not Disturb” and stashes it in his bedside table’s drawer for good measure. It’s only eight o’ clock, but there’s nothing really motivating him to stay awake. 

 

Being asleep sucks less.

 

* * *

 

Daniel blinks blearily. 

 

He looks into his bowl of spicy ramyun and realizes he hadn’t even taken a bite yet. When he slurps the noodles, dread fills him as he realizes they’d gone cold. He feels like he’d just made them a few minutes ago.

 

He wonders how long he’d been spaced out. 

 

Niel looks at the bowl again and it suddenly looks less appealing than it did when he’d set out to make it. With a sigh, he lets the chopsticks drop into the bowl. He doesn’t bother cleaning up after himself as he paces over to bed for his second nap of the day.

 

* * *

 

“You’re lucky that your best friends are beefcakes like us,” Jaehwan titters, scooping up one of the few remaining cardboard boxes remaining in Daniel’s apartment.

 

“Jaehwan, nobody says ‘beefcake’ anymore you weirdo,” Woojin quips, stacking another box on top of the one the older man holds. 

 

“I’m just saying, Daniel’s lucky that we’re fit and willing to move his shit!” He says before disappearing out the door to put his load in the rented van.

 

“I am!” Daniel says, emerging through the propped open apartment door. The trio had already made one trip to the new place Niel had decided to move to given his better income. No longer did he need to live among the filth of campus - he’d upgraded. The place is by no means lux, it’s a cool, trendy loft in a part of the city that wasn’t overflowing with drunk 19 year olds every weekend. Only a few boxes remain and one big piece of furniture.

 

“You think you and I can get this?” Daniel asks Woojin, gesturing to the bed in front of which he stands. 

 

Woojin turns around and quirks an eyebrow, “You’re taking this?” He asks. “Bro isn’t this from IKEA? Just demolish it, man. It’s clearly seen better days.”

 

Daniel frowns. Woojin isn’t wrong, it has seen better days. It squeaks when he lays down on his mattress, and there are a few dinks and dents from clumsy collisions and many dropped, blunt objects. Niel’s eyes fall upon the headboard. The scratched constellation on the corner still remains, almost years after it had been put there.

 

“It’s fine. It’s not like broken beyond repair or anything. You just don’t wanna do work,” Niel jokes.

 

Woojin shrugs, “I mean- you’re not  _ wrong _ , but still! Just don’t do this with every little thing, okay? I don’t wanna see you on an episode of hoarders ten years from now.” 

 

“No promises,” Daniel replies. 

 

“What are you two doing?” Jaehwan asks, reemerging through the apartment door.

 

“Moving the bed,” Woojin replies, “Now come over here and help us!”

 

“You’re keeping the bed?” Jaehwan directs the question to Daniel.

 

“Wh- Yeah. Why are you giving me that look?”

 

Jaehwan eyes the headboard and suppresses a frown, “Nothing. No reason.”

 

* * *

 

Hands explore eagerly, groping and grabbing and grasping every square inch that they could reach. Daniel’s lips move roughly against his- Jinyo’s? Jihoon? Jiho. It’s Jiho. 

 

His lips move roughly against Jiho’s. 

 

The two had met at a bar. Jiho had bought him a drink. Then another. And another. Some dancing, then some chatting, eventually resulted in this. The two men had jumped one another the second Daniel opened the door to his loft apartment.

 

Jiho didn’t play coy, and Daniel liked that very much. 

 

Within minutes they’d taken to the bed, both understanding damn well where the night was gonna take them. Jiho pins Daniel to the bed, and his fingers begin making quick work of the other’s shirt buttons. Daniel grasps at the hem of the other’s shirt, hoping the other gets the hint.

 

He does, and for a minute, Jiho sits up to shed his t-shirt. Daniel feels arousal run down his entire body as he drinks in the sight of the other man’s beautiful body. For a second, the older man takes pause, squinting at something in front of him.

 

“Euigeon,” Jiho says (he calls him by the name Daniel had given him), “Your bed is all scratched up, you know that?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Your headboard. It’s got like- these little dots,” Jiho seems to find humor in it. Daniel doesn’t. He feels like a rock had just been shoved down his throat. He tries his best to swallow it down.

 

“It- it does? Buy me a new one, then,” He attempts ending it off with a joke. Jiho doesn’t seem to notice him tensing. Or maybe he does, and he just  doesn’t care, content to get his dick wet for a night. Daniel can’t tell.

 

“Okay,” Jiho chuckles, and it’s really cute. Daniel wishes he could appreciate it. “I’ll buy you a new bed, then.” The older man lowers himself again, taking Daniel’s lips with a new fervor.

 

* * *

 

Blue… Or red?

 

Or pink?

 

Purple?

 

No, Daniel thinks, purple has never been my color.

 

Pink? Is that too expected?

 

Daniel stands back, looking at the assortment of ties laid out on his bed. Minhyun’s having an engagement party, and despite being closer to other people, he’d still given Daniel an invitation. Niel had spent weeks wrestling with whether or not he even wanted to go. He wasn’t sure if he should go. Many long strings of texts with friends later, he’d decided that he’s going.

 

Maybe.

 

“Ring! Ring! Ring!”

 

Niel jumps at the sudden ringing of his phone and snatches it off of his bed. He answers it, happy to speak to hear his closest friend’s voice on the other end of the line.

 

“Jisung, thank God,” Daniel says, voice still outlined with nerves.

 

“Are you getting ready?” Is the first thing Jisung asks.

 

“Wh- Of course I am.”

 

“Good.”

 

Anxiety rolling around in his stomach, Niel continues with his line of thought, “I have a really important question.”

 

“What? What is it?”

 

“What color tie should I wear.”

 

“Oh my God,” Jisung groans, and it makes Niel chuckle.

 

“It’s important!”

 

“Pink is like your signature color. It’s happy and will fit the occasion. Go with that.”

 

“I- I know, but is it too expected? I feel like I wear pink all the time. Maybe I should go with blue. It’s safer-”

 

“Okay, fine, then blue.” Jisung rolls his eyes - at least, Daniel imagines it.

 

“B-but what if it’s too boring?”

 

“Daniel, I’m gonna ask you something.”

 

“What do you need to ask?” Daniel picks up a saxon blue tie, holding it up next to a pastel pink one.

 

“Why the fuck does it matter? It’s just some fucking engagement party. It’s just an excuse for all of us to eat and drink and bring up embarrassing shit about Minhyun.”

 

“I-Is it a crime to want to look good?”

 

“Daniel…” Jisung’s voice sounded less annoyed and more serious. “Does this have anything to do with him?”

 

There it is. 

 

The elephant in the room.

 

Daniel bites his lip. He doesn’t answer for a long time, and that’s enough for Jisung.

 

“Listen,” The big brother figure says, “You’re going to be okay. Got it? We’re all gonna be there. It’s been what- three years?”

 

“Three and a half,” Daniel cuts in.

 

“Yeah. Three and a half years since you two had that fall out.”

 

Daniel bites back the desire to interject with “breakup”. It pains him that nobody knows that they were together to that day. People think that he and Seongwoo had just fallen out, but they had never learned why. 

 

“Right,” Niel replies.

 

“We’re all gonna be there. It’ll be fun. Maybe you two can finally start to make amends?”

 

Those words go too far, and Daniel feels like further conversation is a bad idea.

 

“Right. Yeah. I’ll- I’ll go with pink. I’m gonna, um, finish getting ready. Bye.”

 

“Uh- Okay. Bye-” Daniel hits the red icon with a quickness.

 

“Fuck,” He whispers to himself. 

 

He bites his lip, starting to think of excuses to stay home.

 

* * *

 

“You  _ still  _ have that bed?” Woojin laughs in disbelief.

 

“Wh- Yes. Lay off of me!” Daniel says, throwing a piece of popcorn at Woojin. The two sit on his couch on the lower level of the loft, binge watching anime.

 

“Seriously, dude? You make- like- money now. You need to treat yourself,” Woojin snickers.

 

“If it bothers you so much, you can get me a new fucking bed then!”

 

“I’m still in college! That’s no fair!”

 

“Then shut up about my bed! It’s a bed. It does bed things. It sits there and I lay in it and sleep. Goddamn!”

 

“Okay, fine. Shit, you’re defensive over a frickin’ bed.”

 

“Whatever. Shut up and watch this part, it’s important,” Daniel gestures to the TV. He looks at the screen, but doesn’t really watch. His mind drifts to something else.

 

* * *

 

An open bag of haribo jelly bears crinkle loudly as Daniel stirs on his bed. He’d tucked himself in with his tablet and jellies awhile ago and had zero intention of moving.

 

“ _ Buzz. Buzz. _ ”

 

Daniel’s face scrunches into an expression of displeasure as he glances in the direction of his phone. Setting his tablet down, he reaches for the phone next to him and reads the screen.

 

“ **Jaehwan**

Did you get a save the date?”

 

Dread bubbles up in Niel’s chest, but he does his best to suppress it. At first, his initial reaction is to leave Jaehwan on read, but he decides not to. He types out his response:

 

“No.”

 

Little dots appear in the chat window, indicating that Jaehwan was tabulating a response. It emerges on the screen soon after with a “whoosh” sound.

 

**“Jaehwan**

Nvm then”

 

Daniel laughs wryly. He finds it interesting that Jaehwan chooses not to elaborate. He taps his one letter response:

 

“K”

 

He’d lied. 

 

Daniel had received a “Save the Date” letter in his mail two days earlier. It had been packed in a delicate pink envelope. He’d wanted to pitch it, but he’d reluctantly kept it in case his mind had changed. On his bedside table sits a white card with beautifully printed calligraphy. In large numbers it spells out the date of a wedding, embellishing the happy couple’s names with little twirlies and tiny hearts. It reads:

 

“Save the Date!

Seongwoo and Sejeong

Are Getting Married

August 7”

 

Daniel wasn’t kidding himself. He’d stalked Seongwoo’s social media, he’d seen the ring, the happy pictures, the saccharine little messages they typed about one another.

 

It’d been almost four years, and he still can’t get over Seongwoo. He’s sick, and he hates it. He despises it. That’s why he still has the save the date. He realizes: he needs to face this head on. He needs to get over Seongwoo. 

 

Niel’s idea of getting over it is immersion therapy: eventually, if he steeps himself in the other’s life long enough, it’ll get easier.

 

Right?

 

* * *

 

“Fuck- Motherfucker why are you so heavy?” Jaehwan groans. He’s got one of his arms slung beneath Daniel’s shoulder.

 

“Guess he never stopped hitting the gym,” Says the other person helping drag the half-conscious Daniel into his apartment. 

 

The two labor to drag their tall friend over to his bed, eventually dumping him unceremoniously on the mattress. The frame squeaks and wobbles slightly as if in protest of the sudden addition of weight.

 

“Shit,” Jaehwan slurs out, stumbling slightly with the loss of a stablizing weight. He turns to the man next to him and mumbles, “Thanks Ong. Iunno what I’d do without ya. Fuck. Think we all had too much to drink.”

 

Seongwoo nods in agreement. He looks Jaehwan up and down. THe man looks half asleep and ready to tip over, so he makes an executive decision.

 

“Go home, Jaehwan,” Ong says. “I can take it from here.”

 

Jaehwan raises his eyebrows, and his drunkenness exaggerates the gesture. Whether due to laziness, exhaustion, or some other motive, he accepts Ong’s statement. 

 

“Ight, fine, just uh… Make sure you wipe up the blood,” He says, referring to the stream of deep red blood that ran down Niel’s nose. 

 

“I got it. Get home safe, okay? Text me when you get home.” 

 

“Yes, sir!” Jaehwan says at a volume that is entirely too loud for two o’clock at night. Seongwoo watches him leave, waiting for him to shut the door before heaving a heavy sigh. He looks down in dejection at the mess in front of him.

 

Things had gotten so much better between them. That wasn’t to say they were good, but they could talk, play games together, and even be in the same room as one another! Though the two never did one on one engagements, they managed to reach a level of comfort when it came to group stuff. When they talked, it was kept to fairly neutral topics of interest: the lives of their mutual friends, what games they were playing, funny work stories - that kind of stuff.

 

When Ong had seen Niel walk into the bar for Jaehwan’s birthday party, he’d been excited. Happy to see another friend. Things had been fun for awhile. Bar number one was a hit. Bar number two, still a blast. By bar three, a few of the lightweight members of the group had broken off, which was fine. The few warriors that remained by bar six were Jaehwan, Daniel, and Seongwoo. 

 

That’s when things had gone south.

 

Ong had been too fucked up to really get the full conversation, and God knows what Jaehwan was doing. It had happened so fast. Daniel had been by their side one second, the next, he’d strode over to a group of jeering guys. Words were exchanged, then bam! A fight broke out. The people involved were kicked out. Seongwoo and Jaehwan ran after them, still too drunk to fully comprehend what had happened.

 

By the time they’d gotten to Daniel, it was already too late. Blood ran down his face, and he’d been leaning against a wall to support himself. The cops showed up, but everyone else scattered, leaving a very drunk Seongwoo to try explaining the situation. 

 

He was nowhere near lucid enough to do that, so the cops dismissed them all with a warning. Ong feels fairly certain that they’d been banned from that bar, too. 

 

“Mn…” Daniel stirs slightly. His face scrunches into an expression of pain. “Mnn- Wha- Fuck. Where’m I?”

 

Seongwoo frowns. The younger man looks pitiful, and that’s a generous understatement. It pains him to see Daniel like that.

 

“We’re at your apartment. You’re in your bed,” Ong answers.

 

“S… Seongwoo? You’re in my apartment?”

 

“Yeah, it’s me,” It feels immensely weird to Ong to say that. “Nice place, by the way. It’s so big and open. I bet the ceiling doesn’t even leak,” He tries to laugh, but it doesn’t sound very convincing. Bitterness stings his heart, but he ignores it.

 

“Thanks,” Niel says. “Oof- What thefuh happened?”

 

“You got in a fight.”

 

“Did I win?”

 

“Do you think you won?”

 

“No- I- I know I didn’t. Issa joke,” Daniel starts to laugh, but it’s abruptly halted with another pained expression. “Shit. Laughing really hurts.”

 

Seongwoo bites back a laugh of his own. He feels like it’s not appropriate to laugh at a time like that. Even if it’s fucking hilarious that dumbass Daniel has the gall to ask if he won a fight he very clearly lost.

 

“You’re a mess. I’m gonna grab tissues you… Lay there. Maybe take your shoes off if you can.”

 

“Kay kay,” Daniel singsongs.

 

It takes Seongwoo awhile to find out where the first aid stuff is. He’d known the old place by the back of his hand, but not this one. Eventually he manages to find the stuff he needs: a cup of water, band-aids, rubbing alcohol, and cotton swabs. He finally returns to Daniel’s bedside, surprised by what he sees.

 

Yup, Ong thinks to himself, he’s definitely still hitting the gym. It almost impresses him that the man, half-dead and totally drunk, managed to strip down to his underwear. 

 

“Hey, no sleep yet,” Seongwoo orders him, “Sit up.”

 

“Mn… I don’t wanna. I can just… Rest…” Daniel murmurs. Ong doesn’t take that as an answer, and the grabs the other’s shoulder, yanking him up.

 

“Drink,” He barks, shoving the glass of water in the other’s face. It quickly becomes clear to him that the other isn’t capable of holding a glass steady; he dejectedly tips it to the other’s drink. Water dribbles down his chin onto his bare chest, but at least some of it manages to get down his throat.

 

“Can I go to bed now?” Daniel asks after drinking about half of the cup.

 

“You’ve got a trail of dried blood gushing down your face. So, no,” Seongwoo said. He douses a swab of cotton in alcohol and gets to work. Daniel’s face, after a short delay, knits into a look of displeasure, but he doesn’t say anything. The silence gets more and more excruciating by the second. Ong fills the space with an honest question: “Why’d you get into a fight, anyways? You of all people, the most giggly drunk I know.”

 

Daniel frowns, and his eyes dart away, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

Annoyance spurs up inside the older man. He feels like after dragging the near catatonic drunk to his place, he’d been owed an explanation. The pair had been fairly decent about playing nice. They’d gotten to a place that Seongwoo thought was alright. However, the older, more sober of the two is tired. 

 

He’s been tired for a long time.

 

Being the sober responsible one wears him down, and dealing with Daniel’s stubbornness isn’t helping. His temper is cut short.

 

Seongwoo drops his hands, looking at Daniel annoyedly, “You couldn’t even fucking stand. Jaehwan and I had to drag your drunk ass back here, and that’s all you have to fucking say for yourself?”

 

“You don’t wanna hear it,” Niel mumbles, barely legibly.

 

“I don’t wanna hear it? I don’t wanna hear  _ what _ ?” Ong seethes. 

 

“You don’t… You don’t need to worry about that. Go home, Seongwoo,” Daniel looks like he’s trying to wave Ong away, but his severe lack of control over his body stunts the gesture. 

 

Seongwoo is tempted, really tempted, to do that much. He’s not wanted, and he doesn’t be there. That’s reason enough to leave.

 

Right?

 

But he can’t. Seongwoo can’t leave the pitiful son of a bitch in the state he’s in. He grits his teeth and keeps cleaning up crusty blood.

 

“So you’re really just… Not gonna say anything?” Seongwoo asks, still irate.

 

“No, because I- I care about you,” Niel rambles, “I care about you too much, jus’ go to sleep.”  He wobbles a bit.

 

“I’m sure you do,” Seongwoo replies. The words come as quite a shock. If Daniel cares about him, it’s news to him. Then again, he realizes he can hardly say anything. It’s not like he’d been making an effort for the past four years. “Still gotta wonder… What causes a guy like you to go crazy like that?”

 

“A lotta beer,” Daniel giggles before wincing in pain again. His face abruptly grows very serious. “You didn’t hear anything, did you?”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothin’ nevermind.”

 

Ong stops cleaning again. He’s pretty much done at this point. A few stubborn stains of blood remain on Niel’s skin, but it’s mostly gone. There’s a nasty bruise under his eye that looks like it’ll be there awhile, though.

 

“Why do I even bother,” Seongwoo mutters. He gives Daniel a look up and down. “You can go to sleep now-”

 

Daniel doesn’t wait another second before shimmying up to the headboard of his bed. Seongwoo’s glance follows, and it settles on something. His face goes slack.

 

“Is that…?” His heart sinks.

 

“Hm? I thought I could go sleep now,” Niel groans, tangling himself up in his covers comfortably.

 

“Your bed,” Is all Ong can say.

 

“I’m… Sleeping on my bed. Wait- Ong where’re you sleepin? You can’t drive home. I have a couch now…” He trails off, muttering about how it’s totally cool and how he actually has room for a couch now. Seongwoo’s feet take him closer to the headboard, and his hand reaches out. He traces the three little carved dots.

 

A shock is delivered through his system when he feels a hand on top of his own.

 

Ong looks down, and his meet Niel’s. The look in his eyes isn’t really something describable; all Seongwoo figures is that it’s not happy. He thinks maybe it’s sad, but something about it almost seems hopeful. He wonders if Niel’s got something to say.

 

“Why the fuck do you still have this?” Ong’s question comes out sounding harsh.

 

Daniel’s face shifts into something much easier to describe. Hurt. He snatches his hand back and looks away.

 

“It’s my bed,” He slurs.

 

“You need to get rid of this old thing. It can’t be good to sleep on.”

 

“I don’t sleep, you know that.”

 

“I don’t know your sleeping habits.”

 

“That’s bullshit,” Daniel’s voice suddenly gets louder, “I’ve always had problems sleeping.”

 

“Why should I know how you sleep?”

 

“Oh my god… All these years an’ you’re still in denial. Right- Sorry, I spent all those years with the  _ other _ Seongwoo. My bad,” Daniel sounds bitter, venomous. “His gay twin- not you. You’re,” He snorts, “You’re the straight one. Right.”

 

Anger burns Ong, “Wow, you went right there. How long have you been holding that in, huh?” His hand slides off the headboard, and he crosses his arms. 

 

“I don’t like you,” Daniel frowns, “Bring back this guy,” He points to the three dots on the bed.

 

Seongwoo’s lips press together; he answers, but with little conviction, “I am that guy.”

 

Niel shakes his head, “No you’re not. That Ong was nice and he loved me. You’re a- a homophobic jerk.”

 

“You’re a fucking child, Daniel. Grow up.”

 

“Grow up? Is that what you did?”

 

“Yeah, I did. I grew up and moved on.”

 

“You don’t just outgrow liking men, Ong.”

 

“I don’t- I have a fiancee now, I’m a different person now. Clearly you haven’t changed a bit,” The older man starts walking away.

 

“Different- Are you shitting me? You’re so fucking full of it. You’re not fooling anyone.”

 

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not trying to,” Seongwoo calls behind himself as he paces across the loft.

 

“They called you a fag, Ong,” Daniel shouts from behind him.

 

Ong stops dead in his tracks. His blood chills.

 

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

 

“Those guys at the bar. I was passing ‘em an’ they were talking about you- well, your pants. Said they were too tight- that you looked like a… Well, I probably took it too far. I just… I knew you didn’t wanna be called that. That’s like your big fear, right?”

 

Ong almosts laughs at that. He almost sarcastically responds “Probably took it too far?” but he can’t. He’s frozen in place. He feels venom in his veins.

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“Why? Why would I lie about this?”

 

“To make you look like less of a dumbshit, for one.”

 

Daniel’s voice lowers, the anger diminishing, “You don’t even believe me. Un-fuckin’-real.”

 

“The only thing un-fuckin’-real about this is your story- and by the way you’re welcome for lugging your ass back here!” Seongwoo shouts.

 

“Yeah, big fucking thanks, Seongwoo. Thank you so much for ruining my fucking life-”

 

“Jesus Christ, Daniel you are so fucking dramatic. What have I done to you?”

 

“You are full of  _ bullshit _ !” His voice sounds thick.

 

Ong turns around again, approaching the bed, “No you’re full of bullshit,” He points accusingly, “I haven’t done  _ shit _ to you!”

 

“You ran out on me!”

 

“Because you pushed me away!”

 

“I just wanted us to be happy together,” Daniel’s face stiffens, holding back tears.

 

“I  _ am _ happy, you can be happy, too. Just- just without me. God,” Ong wrings a hand through his hair, “Why are you still fucking mad about this?!”

  
“Because I still love you!”

 

Seongwoo’s face goes slack.

 

He freezes.

 

Time freezes.

 

His heart writhes painfully like an animal that’d just been slaughtered.

 

“Good night, Daniel,” Seongwoo says before turning on his heel and walking out the door.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Riing! Riing! Riing! _ ”

 

“ **Minhyun** is Calling…”

 

Daniel rolls his eyes. He’d just changed out of his work clothes and had sprawled out on his bed to read some comics. He rolls his eyes, letting out a loud “ugh”. This is the tenth time Minhyun’s called. It had started a few hours ago with “Hey can you talk?” texts. When faced with probably the four most anxiety inducing words ever, he thought it was best to ignore. He’d gone through the last leg of his shift at work with his phone constantly vibrating, and had considered spiking the thing off of a hard surface.

 

Daniel slides the phone icon across his screen and answers. 

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Fucking finally,” Minhyun sounds stressed on the other side of the line. “Daniel, what the hell?” Daniel isn’t fond of Minhyun’s tone, but considering that the dude is typically the sweetest person on earth, it gets his attention.

 

“Dude, I was at work? I just got home. Is everything okay? Are you alright?” 

 

“....... _ Shit _ ,” Minhyun curses.

 

“What? Shit what? You’re scaring me.”

 

“He’s not with you, is he?” Minhyun asks flatly.

 

“Who’s not with me?”

 

Minhyun’s sigh sounds deafening through the speaker. He pauses again until finally getting out with it:

 

“Ong.”

 

Daniel wrings a hand through his hair in exasperation. Just hearing the name causes a full-body reaction from him. His heart sinks and his lips turn down into a frown. 

 

“Why would Ong be with me?”

 

There’s quiet on the other end of the line for awhile, but Minhyun finally answers:

 

“Because he’s not with anyone else. Do you… Do you know where he’s at?”

 

Daniel throws his hands up, “Okay- Well, why the fuck do you think I would know that?”

 

“Have you tried asking him?”

 

“You really think I’d be calling you if I knew that?”

 

“What about his fiancee?”

 

More silence.

 

Daniel finds himself getting more and more tired of silence. He’s tempted to hang up, even hovering his thumb over the red phone icon, but Minhyun talks again.

 

“Ong doesn’t have a fiancee,” He says.

 

“ _ Clunk _ .”

 

Daniel’s phone drops heavily onto the floor. He looks down at it, hearing the muffled sound of a voice coming from the speaker. It takes him a minute to collect it. He picks it up again, and speaks:

 

“What?” He asks dazedly.

 

“You really didn’t know? Shit.”

 

“Minhyun I- Can you please just- just explain the situation here?”

 

“You really didn’t hear anything-”

 

“No, I didn’t!” Daniel cuts him off, anger biting him. Figures he’d be the last one to hear about something massive like this happening in Ong’s life. “Since you know what’s going on better than me, maybe call someone else to- what are you doing calling me?” 

 

“Listen, we know about as much as you do now. I got a call from Sejeong last night asking if he was at my place. Apparently she hasn’t seen him for a few days. Okay, well- more than a few days…

 

A week. It’s been a week since she’s seen him.”

 

Worry spikes up in Daniel’s chest, and the first question on the tip of his tongue is “do we know if he’s okay”. He doesn’t have it in him to ask, though. He knows that, obviously, Ong isn’t. He hardly sees how he can help.

 

“That’s rough,” Daniel says dryly.

 

“I’ve called everyone. He’s gone MIA. Like- off the grid. He called in sick one day from work and apparently requested leave for the rest of the week. Hasn’t called me, hasn’t called Jaehwan, Sungwoon, Jisung… Not even his mom, Daniel. His fucking  _ mom _ didn’t even know they’d broken up.”

 

“And you think I would?”

 

“Obviously I’ve been getting desperate. I dunno I thought- I thought maybe you guys had- Dude, all I know is that when you two were close, Ong would get like that sometimes. He’d be cool and then drop off the surface of the earth. He wouldn’t talk to anyone or even crack open his dorm door. Except for you.”

 

Daniel’s heart aches. He remembers those times like they were yesterday. Ong had always had what he called a “strong complex”. He always had to be strong. Always. He’d let every little thing that troubled him build up until eventually melting down. Of course, being a person with a strong complex, melting down for Ong had never meant punching holes in the wall or sobbing dawn til dusk. An Ong meltdown meant one day he’d stop answering texts and nobody would hear from him for a month. He’d drop off the face of the earth, locking himself in his dorm because God forbid anybody see him not be strong, happy Ong. He’d go on like that for anywhere from one to six weeks until just popping back into everyone’s lives as if nothing had ever happened.

 

At least, that’s how it used to be.

 

Daniel wasn’t sure anymore.

 

Irritation flares up inside of him. When Ong got engaged - even he got a serious girlfriend - nobody had said a word. When Seongwoo had been promoted? Nothing.

 

Ong’s in trouble?

 

Better call fucking Daniel.

 

It irks him thinking that, apparently, he’s only worth including in Seongwoo’s life if something’s terribly wrong. The annoyance claws at him, eventually lashing out toward the other on the phone:

 

“Well, I told you, I don’t know what’s going on with him.”

 

“Can you just call him?”

 

“I don’t have his number.”

 

“What? It’s the same as always-”

 

“If he won’t pick up you guys’ calls why the hell would he answer mine?”

 

“Daniel, please-”

 

“Please what?”

 

“He won’t listen to anyone else-”

 

“I don’t care. It’s not my fucking problem.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Come on Daniel, don’t you- don’t you care about him? What happened between you guys?”

 

“Nothing happened. People grow apart.”

 

“You two didn’t just ‘grow apart’, we’re not idiots. Something happened and neither of you will tell us anything-”

 

“Shouldn’t you be calling the police or something? Getting together a search party for Ong or something? Look…” Daniel’s voice softens; he doesn’t want to drag Minhyun into his personal crap, “If I hear anything I’ll let you know.”

 

“...Fine.”

 

“I gotta go.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Daniel hangs up and throws his phone on the bed. Minhyun’s words toss around in his head. 

 

“We’re not stupid” 

 

“Don’t you care about him?”

 

As if he didn’t. 

 

He wonders what the hell was running through Minhyun’s head, blowing up his phone like that. What was he thinking? “Better call the Daniel hotline, Ong’s in his shit again.” Daniel feels sick. He’s sick of it, he’s sick of everything. He feels better for periods of time but something happens, one, little thing, and it shatters. That illusion of wellness, of being fine, is exposed for the smoke and mirrors that it is.

 

Anger broils inside of Daniel. He jolts off of the bed and starts pacing in hopes that it’d help soothe his irritation. It doesn’t. Instead words and shitty memories just keep floating around in his head. Memories of Seongwoo, Minhyun’s words, that one time he got in a fight in a bar. They torture him, reminding him of what once was and where he’d gotten. 

 

Frustration peaking, Daniel delivers a swift kick to his bedframe on impulse.

 

“ _ Craaaaa-aa-a-aaack _ !”

 

Daniel’s eyes widen, and he suddenly realizes he just made a big mistake. His jaw drops in terror as he watches his bed frame buckle. Like a trainwreck in slow motion, his mattress sinks toward the ground, and the sides give out.

  
  


* * *

 

Daniel stretches out languorously on his bed - well, mattress. He’d given up on the frame, but just sitting a mattress on a floor felt awkward, so he let the headboard lean against the wall. For pure decorative purposes. The beat up panel of wood had seen much, much better days, but Daniel likes to think that gives the space a rustic charm.

 

Niel scrolls SNS lazily. It’s barely nine o’clock, but he’s tired. He notices a distinct absence of posts from a certain someone. Not that he’s looking.

  
Doing a bit more investigation, there’s a distinct lack of couple pictures. They’d all been taken down. At the very least, it’s a confirmation that he’s alive. Feeling a small rush of guilt, Daniel opens his messaging app:

 

“Hows ong holding up”

 

He sends it to Minhyun.

 

“ **Minhyun**

Idk

Haven’t heard from him for awhile. I think hes going to work again?”

 

Daniel taps a response:

 

“Thats good”

 

“ **Minhyun**

Thats literally a guess lol

He hasn’t talked to anyone for weeks”

 

* * *

 

“3:12 AM”

 

That’s the time Niel’s phone reads when it wakes him up with the sound of buzzing. Half-asleep, he squints at the entirely too bright screen in absolute bafflement. A sequence of numbers are displayed on top, but no name is assigned to it. He unlocks the screen anyways, not thinking too hard about it. Even though it’s a Tuesday night, he figures if he’s getting texts at this time it’s probably something urgent. Or Sungwoon’s dog is chewing on his phone again.

 

“ **Unknown Number**

yOu FUWckED MEUP real mgod thjis tome. Om fckng curtsed. Yousayu i ruoined yuor lige???????? NO. Yuo ruonded mine.”

 

Daniel barely has time to attempt deciphering the obscure code resembling a text before his phone rings. In all honesty, he’s scared. He thinks that someone’s probably tweaking off some nasty drugs and punched in his number to make threats. Suddenly, he notices the string of numbers.

 

They look familiar. He bites his lip nervously and types:

 

“Ong?”

 

“ **Unknown Number**

Cabnt beliebve you forgot my nubumber

Ye its me, Ong Seongwoo   
Not Gong   
Not Kong   
Not Bong…”

 

“Ong”

 

A rush of emotion comes over Daniel upon seeing the texts. It’s him. It’s  _ him _ . Not Gong, not Kong, not Bong… It’s Ong. His Ong. He swallows nervously, remembering not to get his hopes up and adds the contact to his phone.

 

“ **Ong**

Ayyyyyy”

 

“Why r u texting @ 3am??

R u okay??”

 

“ **Ong**

LOL funny”

 

“R u in trouble?? Why r u texting me? R u home right now?”

 

“ **Ong**

Im texin u bc

Im fucked up rn bubt you FUCKED me daniel”

 

If he wasn’t so concerned, Daniel probably would’ve laughed at that. He just feels confused and worried. Unable to contain it, he taps Ong’s name in his phone and tries calling. The line gets cut. He tries it again, but the same thing happens.

  
Seongwoo refuses to pick up the phone.

 

“Ong pls just tell me, r u at home?”

 

“ **Ong**

Im otw rn. Gettin somf resh aoir”

 

“???   
Ur walking? Where r u? Let me call u a cab.”

 

“ **Ong**

No i need thjis.

I need to bee alone”

 

“Its literally 3am drop a pin, im calling u an uber”

 

“ **Ong**

I jus wan be aloone ok”

 

“No its not ok. U texted ME remember??”

 

“ **Ong**

Haha damn rite i did u kno y?”

 

“Becaus eu need help”

 

“ **Ong**

Bc u fubcked me UP thast y. My life suckss bc of u. I get itr now”

 

“??? drop the pin”

 

Daniel tries calling Ong again. There’s no answer.

 

“Ong I’m serious, please. Im worried about you.”

 

“ **Ong**

Haha me too

Haha idk lol idk y i texted u in the first place liker”

 

“Probably bc u need help. Let me just call u a damn cab dude”

 

“ **Ong**

I donr want a cab

I just want the one i love most back”

 

Niel feels his heart sink. Tears well up in his eyes, but despite everything: his pent up frustrations, his regrets, his resentment, he tries to smooth the situation.

 

“Idk abt ur girl but… maybe she will hear you out? But you have to make it home in one piece first”

 

“ **Ong**

My girl;??? Lool   
I wasnat talking about sejeong”

 

There’s a long pause between messages before he sends another:

 

“ **Ong**

I want my Daniel back”

 

Daniel’s chest feels gouged when he reads the message. He starts typing:

 

“Ong, you’re drunk. I don’t think you know what you want-”

 

He deletes it.

 

“LOL that’s adorable now please drop your location alrdy so I can call a-”

 

He deletes it.

 

“I have spent so much time agonizing over this and almost wanting to die because of the grief our breakup caused. It’s gonna take more than a text to get me-”

 

He deletes it.

 

“I want you too.”

 

The message lingers in the text box, and Niel even lets his hand float over the send button. 

 

He never sends it, though. Instead, he composes another message to Jaehwan, someone he knows is awake at that hour, and explains that Ong is fucked up and needs help. He doesn’t explain how he knows that.

 

Seongwoo is left on read.

 

* * *

 

Daniel scrolls his SNS as he rolls around on his mattress. His mood lifts when he sees a couple of bowls of ramyun in a picture that Daehwi had posted. Ong is tagged in it. That means he’s finally left his cave of solitude. Good for him.

 

Niel’s eyes drift to his headboard, the sole survivor of his tumultuous friendship/relationship with Ong Seongwoo. The little constellation makes him wonder. So do those texts.

 

The next morning Daniel had read and reread them over and over again. He’s pretty sure that he sees the words “I want my Daniel back” when he closes his eyes. He finds it funny: it’s weird how life’s complications can boil down to such little simplicities. Between the two a cavernous rift had grown, wrought with jagged memories of fights and hurtful words. They’d grown apart then “close” again; their friends had built a rickety bridge over the rift and, for a time, it functioned. Of course, that crumbled too.

 

Still, “I want my Daniel”, words so simple, so clear, manage to ignite something new in Daniel: 

 

Hope.

 

The hope twists and twirls and hops around in his head impatiently as it had days after the text. Finally, the impatient little inkling moves with such ferocity that it sparks, and that spark ignites something:

 

An idea.

 

Daniel nearly faceplants onto the floor of his loft as he runs to get his laptop. It’s thin. Paper fucking thin.

 

But it might just work.

 

* * *

 

“Next to the mattress,” Daniel instructs the delivery men. The two uniformed workers oblige, dropping something massive down near his mattress. Niel appreciates the perk of an open concept - moving big stuff is easy.

 

“Sign here,” One of the delivery men says, extending his digital signature pad. Daniel eyes the massive freight nervously. His heart pounds wildly in his chest, and his hand shakes as he signs.

 

“Thank you,” Daniel says with a smile, waving the delivery man away.

 

Niel eyes the huge packages (a cluster of two or three, some taller than him) anxiously. He unlocks his phone quickly, rifling through his contacts. His thumb quivers and he nearly presses it down onto the screen, but he doesn’t. He can’t.

 

Not today, he thinks.

 

* * *

 

Pattering rain runs down Daniel’s window panes as he stares out drearily at them. Really, anything to avoid looking at his phone, or the daunting packages that sit by his bed. 

 

“ _ Buzz. Buzz. _ ” 

 

Daniel jumps at the sudden noise of his phone. His heart leaps into his throat. He wonders: what if it’s him?

 

It’s not. He heaves a sigh of relief and moves on with his day.

 

* * *

 

Daniel stares at his phone.

 

His finger stays poised above the contact, and he looks over at the packages. 

 

No, he thinks.

  
Not today.

 

* * *

 

Sun pours into Niel’s loft apartment in abundance. Daniel had never fancied himself much of a cleaner, but a rare mood had stricken him. He’d scrubbed the kitchen and put his laundry out to dry.

 

He dances along to hip-hop as he finishes sweeping the floor. A sudden thought crosses his mind, and he grabs his phone from his pocket and looks at it for a second. It’s a cleaning day, and he thinks he really ought to do some other cleaning in his life.

 

He doesn’t, though.

 

* * *

 

The large packages next to Daniel’s bad had started to collect dust.

 

Daniel had been sick with a cold for the past two days. Though he’d begun feeling better, he’d gotten cabin fever. Bad. Rolling around on his mattress, something in Daniel snaps.

  
He jolts up, eyeing the dusty cardboard boxes with irritation.

 

He can’t take it anymore.

 

Rushing over to his kitchen, Niel rifles through his cabinets until he finds what he needs. The good stuff, liquid potatoes. Or, more properly: vodka. He takes a hefty swig of the stuff, gasping as the burning runs down his throat.

  
Then he takes another.

 

And another. 

 

Finally, Daniel takes a deep breath. He grabs his phone from the pocket of his hoodie. His hand shakes, but finally, fucking finally, he taps the phone icon beneath the contact.

 

Heartbeats nearly drown out the sound of the dial tone as Daniel waits in anticipation. The man nearly hangs up after a few drones of ringing, but the noise is cut off.

  
Someone picks up.

 

“Hello?” A familiar voice asks softly. It sounds… Okay. Seongwoo sounds okay. Neither ecstatic nor pissed off, Ong merely sounds surprised. That’s good, Daniel thinks.

 

That’s good.

 

“H-hey,” Daniel says back. A brief pause ensues.

 

“Um, Daniel?” Seongwoo breaks the silence quickly; Daniel’s grateful since he knows it’d get really awkward really fast.

 

“Yeah, it’s me.”

 

“I- I know. I mean- Um- I- I guess I owe you an apology. For, um… Well the last time we communicated I was… I was pretty drunk.”

 

“O-oh!” Niel feels weirdly antsy, but in a good way. He bounces up and down as he talks, “That’s okay. I mean- It happens. Honestly, I was just worried. Did you get home alright?”

 

“Well… I’m alive? To be honest it was a blur. I don’t even remember half the stuff that happened,” Seongwoo laughs. It’s more of a courtesy than anything, but even that hollow husk of a laugh makes Daniel’s heart beat faster.

 

“God knows we’ve been there,” Daniel chuckles, and so does Seongwoo. It’s real that time.

 

“Some nights I don’t remember, but I swear it’s probably a good thing.”

 

“Some nights you don’t remember and I do. It’s a great thing.”

 

“Oh God,” Ong is laughing, genuinely laughing, and Niel nearly forgets why he’d called because of it. “Um… Actually, Daniel. I- I need to tell you something first.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Just- Can you just listen for a second? It’ll…” Seongwoo sounds nervous, “It’ll be quick.”

 

Daniel quirks an eyebrow in interest, pressing the phone closely to his ear, “I’m listening.”

 

“Okay,” Ong takes a deep breath, “I… I know it’s taken me a long time to… To say this and really, really say it. Maybe too long- no, definitely too long, but… Daniel…

 

I’m gay.”

 

Niel practically collapses onto the ground. He’s not sure if he should laugh, cry, be angry that it’d happened so late, or throw a party for the guy. Seongwoo goes on.

 

“I’m gay and I’ve known it for a long time, but… Well, I’m just finally comfortable to accept that part of myself.”

 

Tears rush to Daniel’s eyes all of a sudden. He practically chokes on the hefty sob rising in his throat. His hand shoots to stop the cry from leaving his lips, but he can’t do anything about the tears. They stream down his face heavily, and he tries to sound cool and level when he answers.

 

“Thank you for sharing,” Daniel replies quietly. He sniffles and his glance falls on the massive heap of boxes in the distance.

 

“O-oh, Seongwoo.”

 

“Yeah, Daniel?”

 

“Sorry, I, um, I never told you why I called.”

 

“O-oh, right. Of course. What’s up?”

 

“W-well,” Suddenly, Niel feels anxious again. He takes the vodka and tips it to his lips again; his face scrunches as he swallows, and he keeps talking, “I… I’m sorry to come to you like this, but um… The thing is… I, um…” Out with it, he tells himself, “I need a favor.”

 

“A favor?” Seongwoo’s tone drops a bit.

 

“Yeah. I- I know that’s, like... That’s shitty, right? But it’s something that… Something that only you could help me with.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Well, you see… That old ass bed of mine kind of bit it. It’s done.”

 

“Oh. It broke? Honestly I’m surprised it lasted that long. Especially considering that we put it together,” Seongwoo laughs.

 

“Yeah. I, um, I bought a new one. This one’s called a, um… Snefjord,” Daniel snorts as he pronounces the name (probably butchering it). He sniffles again before continuing, “It’s king size. Super great and all except, well, um… It’s, uh… It’s pretty big. It seems like it’d kind of be a big job putting it all together so, I was wondering…

 

Would you help me put it together?”

**Author's Note:**

> // This piece is a work of fiction and is meant to be read as such. None of the people or brands depicted in this piece are my property.


End file.
